Why I Wrote My Own Vows

Love, honor, and obey.

One and only.

‘Til death do us part.

Most people like the sound of that. It’s romantic, or something. For me, it’s just… off.

I got married exactly two months ago. It was rather unconventional, with a small sprinkling of tradition thrown in. Basically, it was like me. I wore a dress, but it was ivory and green, not white. I carried a bouquet, but it was paper, with Never Gonna Give You Up printed on it. The ceremony followed the usual pace, but we wrote the entire script from the ground up. And perhaps most importantly to me, we wrote our own vows.

I never really liked the idea of the vows that you see in every ceremony script, and in every movie. They are written for a relationship completely unlike mine. I am not promising that I will obey someone. I am not being given away, and I am not giving myself away. I am not my husband’s “better half”, and my husband is not mine. I am a whole person, one who has decided that I know who I am and what my plan is for my life, and I have decided that I want to commit to living my life with my husband, where we can support each other, and grow together.

I don’t need him in my life. Some people will think that I don’t really love him for saying that, but I simply know that I don’t. I want him in my life. I love him. It makes me happy that we are in each other’s lives. I look forward to every day we have together. But I am not dependent on that. Why is need romantic? Why would you want to be in a relationship where it’s not mutual desire to be together, but rather clinging to the fact that they are there? The most powerful thing about love and commitment to me is that you can make the choice not to, but instead you choose to continue to grow, develop, and strengthen the relationship.

That is why I wrote these vows:

For the time we have been together, there has always been the kind of mutual understanding which is only shared within love.
You have helped me triumph over challenges presented,
Encouraged my personal growth and given me the strength to achieve it.
You have helped me become the person I am today,
And with your help, I will be a better person tomorrow than I was yesterday.
I vow to trust and value your opinions, and stand by your actions.
I pledge to always treat you as my best friend and equal.
I promise to encourage you and give you strength as you have done for me.
I will ask for help when I need it, and offer help to you always.
This is my chance to choose my own family, and I choose to make it with you.

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